Most of the time, when I get comments on this blog, i reply to them privately. However, sometimes I take them to use as educational moments. This is one of them.
Most of you who read/comment here know about the philosophy behind the blog. One reader apparently does not. I will not give his/her name, but here is their comment, as it was originally posted:
are you fat if you are go get some help im not bein nasty
The thing of it is, even though people who say/post/think these kinds of things honestly believe they’re not being hurtful or nasty, they are.
It’s an attitude of “it’s your fault so get over it.”
For many of us who are overweight, unless there is an underlying medical condition, our weight isn’t a matter of being lazy. Many times, it’s a matter of self-image, self-acceptance, and self-esteem.
No, they are not all the same, although there can be some similarities. Merriam-Webster.com gives some good definitions.
self-image noun : one’s conception of oneself or of one’s role
self-acceptance noun : acceptance of or in oneself inherently
self-esteem noun : a confidence and satisfaction in oneself
I don’t know this because I’m a psychologist, counselor, or doctor. I know this because I’ve been there, in many cases, I’m still there, and I have face-to-face friends who are as well.
I have discussed some of my ideas relating to this with some psychiatrists and psychologists. They agree. No, I will not reveal their names on this blog. Much of what they say will be included in the Confessions of a Fat Chick book that is still in progres.
Even if someone does go to a doctor to “get help,” doctors aren’t always helpful. I just had a conversation with a friend about this exact thing. If you have an underlying medical condition that contributes to your weight, so you go to a doctor for help with it and they advise you to get the lap-band or gastric bypass, is that helpful?
Just because someone is overweight doesn’t mean they need dramatic surgical intervention.
I know I’m overweight — probably fat, but that’s a word I’m learning should not be in my vocabulary for my own self-acceptance/esteem issues — but that doesn’t mean I’ve hung out a “help wanted” sign. The same goes for anyone else in a similar situation. Unsolicited advice like “get help” tends to worsen the feelings rather than being helpful, whether it’s intended as “nasty” or not.
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December 2, 2008 at 5:36 am
who this email me on badda002@sgfl.org.uk
December 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I agree. It’s not healthy to call yourself fat, but when it’s pushed in your face continually, it’s hard not to have it in your vocab. Also drs. aren’t always helpful, and why is it that major “surgeries” are considered to be fine when in fact several have died from the drastic procedures? And just because you have the surgery, doesn’t mean you won’t gain it back…genetics has it’s place in life for some reasons….
January 13, 2009 at 9:28 am
Fat/overweight/chunky/large, choose the word of your choice, does NOT equal lazy. My husband was one of the hardest working, on the go, people I know and he was overweight. It wasn’t a matter of being lazy. For him (and me) it’s a matter of food choice. We were working to change that, and now I’m in a mindset to continue again. I am, but like Truly said, the drastic measures (surgery) are not always a good choice. Watching part of Biggest Loser the other night I heard one man say he’d had gastric bypass surgery, yet there he was obese and trying Biggest Loser to drop pounds.
I think (which as you know is one reason I encouraged this blog and the book) that self-image is most important and must come first. Which is why I’m working on accepting myself for how I am now, with the knowledge this size is going to change.
Ok, I’ll shut up now.
February 12, 2009 at 12:58 am
It’s ridiculous how people tell those who are overweight to just go and do something about it. It’s really not as easy as that. I have been very overweight and very skinny, and now I’m at a happy place in the middle. The thing is, I never set out to put on weight or lose weight, it is so easy for these things to happen without a conscious decision. I can’t stand when people (normally those who are naturally skinny and munch down on McDonalds and chocoaltes without a second thought) scoff and give the oh-so-helpful advice to stop eating so much.
Generally what needs to happen is a complete re-education on nutrition, as statisitically this tends to be where people slip up. You might start eating less, but if you are swilling vitamin water (it’s just sugar and water!) or eating low fat bars (low fat normally = high sugar), then that is going to hamper progress.
Even then, there are those people who, for some other reason will not be able to lose weight. I have a friend who eats really healthily, runs, kick boxes etc, and she still can’t move the weight. Nothing to do with laziness or anything else.
I didn’t intend on writing such a long post! This subject really irks me sometimes, with how ignorant some people are.
March 23, 2009 at 1:48 am
I am one of the skinny people who can scoff mcdonalds without a second thought. However, I am not one to criticise someone who is overweight or tell them to just “lose it.” Why? Because I’m constantly getting told to gain weight – and guess what, like losing weight, some of us just can’t do it.
I am currently at a healthy weight for my height, and I have a petite build – I’m just not meant to carry more weight than what I do. A year ago, I was quite underweight due to stress, I eventually put on weight and am now healthy, but still get occasional thoughtless comments about how I “should just eat more because I’m too skinny.”
I simply despise people who think they can give their opinion on someone else’s weight without knowing the reasons why they are they weight. As long as you are healthy and happy, that’s all that should matter.
A skinny girl does not necessarily have less body issues than a chubby girl – it’s not as much fun as you might think to have to resort to the childrens’ section for clothes, or to have fun poked at you because you are not as curvy as others.
If you are so over or underweight it’s impacting on your health and lifestyle, then by all means do attempt to solve the issue. But don’t assume someone has not already attempted to fix the problem because in doing so, you make the person feel like they are a failure for not living up to your standards.
Apologies for raving on, this is just a bug bear of mine.
May 20, 2009 at 2:26 pm
It is crazy to be”judged” based on size, or looks. I have been skinny.. that part was easy.. then due to medications and ba eating habits I got fat. Losing weight is one of the hardest things anyone can do. It takes discipline and dedication. These are 2 things that most adults just can’t fit into their lives when there are families involved. It’s not just about poor time management, it’s just about exhaustion. Society has made it so convient for everyone with slow or no metabolism to gain weight. The $1 menu’s at Fast food places contain the highest calorie stuff. How many “healthy” fast food places are there? How many cheap health foods are out there? The healthier it is, the more it costs. If everyone really wants to take a bite out of these obesity thing, raise the prices of junk food and lower the price of healthy food. Just 1 voluptuous girls opinion….
September 3, 2009 at 2:48 am
I am one of the skinny people who can scoff mcdonalds without a second thought. However, I am not one to criticise someone who is overweight or tell them to just "lose it." Why? Because I'm constantly getting told to gain weight – and guess what, like losing weight, some of us just can't do it.
I am currently at a healthy weight for my height, and I have a petite build – I'm just not meant to carry more weight than what I do. A year ago, I was quite underweight due to stress, I eventually put on weight and am now healthy, but still get occasional thoughtless comments about how I "should just eat more because I'm too skinny."
I simply despise people who think they can give their opinion on someone else's weight without knowing the reasons why they are they weight. As long as you are healthy and happy, that's all that should matter.
A skinny girl does not necessarily have less body issues than a chubby girl – it's not as much fun as you might think to have to resort to the childrens' section for clothes, or to have fun poked at you because you are not as curvy as others.
If you are so over or underweight it's impacting on your health and lifestyle, then by all means do attempt to solve the issue. But don't assume someone has not already attempted to fix the problem because in doing so, you make the person feel like they are a failure for not living up to your standards.
Apologies for raving on, this is just a bug bear of mine.;…